Silly Rabbit, Trix Are For Kids!
Tuesday, Jul. 16, 2002 - 11:32 AM

Ever since I was about 3 and watching Romper Room and Heathcliff, I've been bombarded by General Mills that Trix were for kids. It's always made me sad that the rabbit can't have any of the cereal. But this brings on a whole new wave of emotions when I realize other things. For one, what psycho hated rabbits so much that he was like, "Let's see... marketing... marketing... who can't have this tasty cereal... who do I hate that much... I KNOW! RABBITS! RABBITS MAY NOT HAVE TRIX NO MATTER HOW BADLY THEY WANT THEM!"

Presumably this individual has issues that root deep in lack of self-esteem. It is my presumption that he was not hugged very much as a child. Probably because his parents had a rabbit that they loved more than him. They loved this cute, pink nosed bunny and shunned their only son because of it. And, as revenge, this marketer decided that no rabbits, no matter how much they craved it, could have Trix -- as they were only for kids.

"WAH AH AH!" he yells has he strokes his freshly greased handlebar mustache and uses the residue on his fingers to smooth out his eyebrows.

And, apparently, cereal, not money, is the root of all evil as several other cereals are just so gosh darn good that they require groups of selfish people keeping it away from others that might crave the same taste. There is Lucky who will not let the children have any of "me lucky charms". I assume this is because he's good friends with the Trix rabbit and the children are related to the Kids. Although the children seem to be much smarter than this older, wiser, evasive Irish myth as they always end up with his bowl of lucky charms. Even though it's well known that leprachauns, while being hard to spell, are even harder to catch. I guess when you're lugging around a box of cereal it slows you down a bit.

And General Mills isn't the only one with selfish spokespeople. Posts's Fruity Pebbles' marketing scheme revolves around Fred and Barney, best friends forever, fighting over Fred's cereal. Fred will NOT let Barney have any of his precious cereal. Barney will try to trick Fred into giving him his cereal -- even going so far as to dress as Santa Clause!

Here are my concerns. First of all, why didn't those that were wanting the cereal just go buy some from the store as the others had done? Second of all, why are marketers teaching children that sharing is a bad thing? And third of all, had I not been exposed to these commercials as a child, would I feel less hatred toward people that ask me if they can "have a bite of that"?

One of the things I hate most is when I get dessert and ask others if they would like to order some as well. "No," they say, "I'll just have a bite of yours." YOU WILL NOT! First of all, you don't tell someone you're going to have a bite of their dessert. Those are fighting words. You ask them. Second of all, I just offered to buy you your OWN dessert. The reason I'm buying MY OWN dessert is because I would like to EAT that dessert! If you'd like a bite of dessert, then please order some. "But I just want a bite." (This is never true. A bite is always at least three bites.) And I say, "Then you will order your own dessert, take one bite (yeah, right) and you may leave the rest on your plate. I'm buying, and I'll decide whether or not you'll be ordering your own dessert or eating a 'bite' of mine."

This has made me hungry. I'm going to lunch now.

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