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Mario and Luigi and Their Bong
Sunday, Jul. 14, 2002 - 3:27 PM
The creator of Super Mario Bros. was a druggy. This is not speculation. And I think I have evidence to prove it. You will notice that Mario is fat. This is obviously because of the munchies after smoking weed. "Weed?" you ask. "Weed," I reply. "Not only those that use weed are fat!" you say. "Yes, but let's look at the other facts," I say. "Okay." "Okay." The only way you could even begin to imagine a world where everyone's primary concern in life is to kill you is to be superparanoid. Superparanoia is, of course, another one of the effect weed has on the human body. Then there's the Racoon Tail leaf in Mario 3. This is a leaf that will make you fly. High. Kinda like another five pointed leaf I've heard of. Also, the Tanooki suit allows Mario to get stoned -- that is to say turn himself in to a statue of stone. And let's not even get into two guys that spend all their time hanging around plants in metal pipes. Let's move on. Mushrooms. Millions of mushrooms. Mushrooms that make you bigger are the good mushrooms. The bad mushrooms try to kill you. And potion. Yes, that's right in Mario 2 you can pull secret stashes of chemicals in a flask out of the ground. When thrown they create an entrance to a world where there is no one to hurt you. As Mr. T used to so eloquently put it: Drink your milk! Wait... that was a different one... Don't do drugs! And take your vitamins! And stay in school! Or I'll pity you, fool!
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