Ashley's Letter
Friday, Oct. 04, 2002 - 12:13 AM

Reprinted with permission. Thank you, Bethany.

dear timothy,

hey, it's ashley, the cosmic cheerleader. recently, you forwarded a chain letter regarding myself and an unfortunate incident with a goat immediately following an ugly break up with the captain of the high school football team. the letter expressly stated that unless forwarded to twenty-five people in your address book, i would haunt you for who knows how long before murdering you mercilessly in your sleep. therein lies the point of this letter.

you see, timothy, not only did you fail to send it to twenty-five people, but four of the twenty-three you did send the letter to weren't even in your address book! can't you follow simple directions? you have shamed me, timothy. you have stained my name, and forever tarnished the respectable image i once had. i'll probably lose the farm, too, you jerk.

so. what now? it only stands to reason that, in hopes of retaining any of the dignity i once had, i must follow through on my threat to haunt, torment, and eventually kill you savagely in your bed. with that in mind, i was hoping we could meet up for coffee sometime to arrange the details, get organized, etc. let me know when you have some free time.

luv,

ashley

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