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I'm Petty... And I Hate It That Way
Sunday, Sept. 08, 2002 - 7:33 PM
I'm petty. And self-centered. Self involved and self-righteous. Self-indulgent. Self, self, self. Self. While being petty is fun as long as you're winning, it is decidedly not fun when you're losing. Is life really a game, or does it just seem that way? Is it really a war made up of tiny battles? Some that you win. Others that you don't. Only the good die young, they say. Nice guys finish last. It looks so much more fun to be the jerk. I'm tired of playing the fool. I'm tired of being tripped over. I'm tired of feeling like I'm second even if I'm not. I'm tired of caring so much. I'm tired of caring about me. I don't even want my situations resolved. I just want to stop caring about them. I can tell from the look in your eye that you don't understand. That's okay. I do. I wish I could explain it better. I wish you were here. I need you here. I want you here. You who? No one in particular. Just someone to make it all better. Maybe a compilation of all of you. Have I always been like this? I can't remember. Are the side effects of my prednisone still wearing off? I was still broken out pretty bad until a couple days ago. That seems pretty much taken care of. Am I still feeling the emotional reprocussions of that? Does anyone remember? I'm babbling. I don't care. It feels good to babble. I feel like I'm getting somewhere even if I'm just spinning my wheels. Burn, baby, burn. I wish you well -- couldn't you tell after all these years? I wish you love and a life in a world that you're dreaming of. I wish you well. I wish you love. I wish myself all of the above. But I wish your wellness away from mine. Far away. Further away than you are right now. Cross country isn't far enough, apparently. So, what about this unbalanced entry, Bobby Seattle? Will you e-mail me? Please?
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