Art's Wedding
Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 - 2:18 PM

As advertised, I attended my boss Art's wedding on Saturday night. Here are the fun stories of that event.

First of all, the minister was probably about... oh... 12. And looked just like (a younger) Mark McKinney of Kids in the Hall fame. He cocked his head to one side or the other the whole time he preformed the ceremony. Not just a little, either... it was practically resting on his shoulder. And he kept taking these exaggerated sighs. He totally looked high. My dad, of course, thought he was gay.

As the bride walked down the aisle she was crying. But not just normal crying. She looked like Lucille Ball. She was balling like she was being forced to marry Art.

The wedding was in a country club's huge lobby with Greek pillars in the middle of it. The phone rang for a while during the "moment of silent prayer" and the elevator kept opening and dinging.

Also, a street bum tried to come in and join the celebration. Art's cousin literally shoved him out the door into the street.

I kept waiting for Art to say "Ahhhh..." when asked if "he did". "Aaaaaaah... yeeeeah..." "No, Art, say no!" "NO! No is what I meant." "Art! You have to marry her." "Well, really what I meant was yes."

*ring, ring* Art Russell... Hey, Bob. Fine, you? Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Right... Uh-huh... Yeah. Hey, can I call you back? I'm in the middle of my vows. *Bites apple*

Speak Up


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