Today I battled in several sword fights on my way to save the Princess. Upon returning her to the grateful King I was given a portion of the kingdom as well as four turtle doves and a brass monkey. I ate one turtle dove for dinner, and set the other three free to make more baby turtle doves for the masses to enjoy. I also pawned the brass monkey for a silver one. I set the silver monkey under my Oscar between my Emmy and my Golden Globe before retiring to the vinyard to lay on my oversized hammock while smoking Cubans and drinking my homegrown, pressed, and aged wine. While all this is boring, tomorrow promises to be exciting.
