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A Day in the LIfe of a Sidekick
Friday, Jul. 11, 2003 - 11:27 PM
So there I was, decked out in full chain mail with my sword drawn and at the ready. It did strike me as mildly peculiar to find myself in this position. After all, I don't own a chain mail suit, having sold mine on eBay some time ago. Nonetheless, I set my mind to the task at hand. I wouldn't let my momentary confusion distract me. The sun bore down on us, and I stared menacingly at my opponent. He was large, as sumo wrestlers tend to be, but lacking adequate garb-- actually, he lacked any variety of garb, save his loin cloth. The advantage was clearly mine. You may ask yourself, as I did at the time, how I came to be in a sword fight with a sumo wrestler. Let me start at the beginning. I arose this morning as I might on any other weekend, stumbling out to imbibe of the obligatory chocolate chip waffle and mindless television. There's really nothing more therapeutic than the simultaneous erosion of one's teeth and mind. Having sated my need for empty calories and passive entertainment, I was off to face the day! As usual, danger lurked behind every corner, threatening to catch me off guard. There was no telling what the Man had up his sleeve today, but I ventured a guess that I wouldn't have to wait long to find out. I was correct. Only moments later, I stood facing my first challenge of the day: my arch enemy, Reality. I was prepared, having battled this villain on numerous occasions. I was feeling old school, plus I'd nearly exhausted my arsenal of more elaborate weapons. This morning it was just me and Reality, Suspension of! I chuckled knowingly and settled in for hours and hours of even more chocolate chip waffles and mindless television! Oh, it was a cruel blow, far more than the likes of Reality could withstand. I had him crying like a little girl in a matter of seconds. For you following along at home, the score currently stands at Reality 0, Nightstalker 9 billion. Having vanquished Reality and consumed several metric tons of waffles, I set out to conquer the world. Actually, now that I think about it, there really were no specific events that led to my sword fight with the sumo wrestler. One thing just led to another, and these things happen, you know? Explanations aside, I can assure you that I fought valiantly to rise as champion over my scantily clad nemesis, chalking up one more resounding victory for truth, justice, and the American way! So that was my Thursday. You?
This post from the pages of the comic book involving the Anonymous Superhero and his sidekick who really runs the show, waterstainaka NightStalker. Send fan mail to her, not him. Thank you for celebrating the asdotcom one year anniversary!
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