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Dishing It Out
Monday, Sept. 08, 2003 - 11:32 PM
Mom and Keri get home tomorrow. And since my dad and brother weren't about to contribute to straightening up a house that a coupla guys lived in with no women for five days, it was up to me to prepare the house for my mother's return. My final task (well, almost, I still have to start the dishwasher and take out the trash) was to load the dishwasher. Afterwards I made myself a bagel. As I cut the bagel over the sink, I thought... you know... it's been 2 and a half days since I ran the dishwasher and it's only about a quarter full. Know why? Guys don't use dishes. We use paper towels. We hold food. We eat it over the sink so the crumbs can be washed away and there's no dish to load in the washer. This is a perfectly acceptable experience for a guy. In fact, the only reason guys have dishes is for when chicks come over (with a few exceptions). We would have bowls anyway because you have to have bowls to eat ice cream (provided it's not a pint of ice cream, then we'd just eat from the carton) and straight-from-the-can microwavable soup. We would have spoons to eat from the bowls. We would have a giant glass bowl to pour salsa into for the chips. (But the chips we leave in the bag.) We wouldn't have glasses because all our drinks would either be drank from the carton or else drank from 20 oz. bottles or 12 oz. cans. We would get drinks of water from filling up the empty 20 oz. bottles. We would have five mugs. Five mugs because we wouldn't use them very often as we're too lazy to make our own coffee and would rather spend 20 min. going to Starbucks; five mugs because one to three of them will be dirty at all times; and five mugs because we'll have to break out extra mugs for coffee when our family comes to visit. The rest of dishes are not necessary. They're want-ware. All other foods that guys would always eat if chicks were never around are eaten with either the hands (pizza, burgers, fries and fried chicken) or chopsticks. Plates, forks, and knives exist for the sole convenience of women. That's why when you're a guy's first date in quite a while he'll eat like Beast in Disney's Beauty and the Beast.
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