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Life Unscripted
Monday, Jun. 14, 2004 - 10:31 AM
This is part of a script I started writing several years ago. It's a reality TV spoof. Enjoy. Black screen. 6:25 PM Shaun is in the kitchen making an espresso. There is a knock on the door. Shaun opens the door. There is a Mormon at the door in a black trench coat. Mormon: Hi, I�m here to talk to you about your eternity� Shaun: Thanks, but I know about my eternity. I�m a born again believer. Mormon: Oh, you are!? Well, are you acquainted with the Mormon faith? We believe� Shaun: Polite, but slightly annoyed. Thanks, but no thanks. I know what I believe. I can tell you how to get to know Christ, though� Mormon: Annoyed. Look, buddy, I want to tell you� Shaun: Yeah, I know, and I just want to tell you no thank you. Mormon: Calms down. Puts on fake smile. Okay, I�m sorry. We started out on the wrong foot. What�s your name? Shaun: Shaun. Now, I appreciate your concern, but I�d like to go back to making my espresso. Mormon: Look, Shaun, I want to tell you about� Shaun: Look� Mormon� I want to make my espresso. Lifts up shirt just enough to reveal butt of dart gun tucked in pants. Mormon opens trench coat to reveal many dart guns/water guns in coat. Shaun: Mormon� I don�t want any trouble here. I�m going to have to ask you to leave now, though. Mormon: Shaun, I just want to� reaches in to coat. Shaun jumps behind couch. Mormon�s hand comes out of coat holding a tract. Shaun stands up nonchalantly and sniffs. They both just stand there for a second. Shaun swings love seat around making barrier and pulls out dart gun. Shaun: Just walk away, Mormon. Just walk away. Mormon: Look, I�m not walking away. The sound of Mormon�s Nerf gun cocking is heard. Silence. Darts start flying over love seat. Finally they stop. Shaun crawls around to other kitchen entrance and stands up. His gun is now in the strap of his carpenter pants. He steps out so that the two are across from each other in the hallway. Shaun: I�m a-callin� you out, Mormon. Both have their hands near their guns on their hips. Shaun: Draw! Both draw guns and darts start flying. A dart hits Mormon. He grabs where he was hit and stumbles to the door and falls out. Shaun runs to door and slams it shut. He locks the dead bolt. He blows the barrel of his gun. Shaun walks back over to the espresso machine and pours himself a cup. Shaun: I love you, espresso. Shaun is talking to the camera. Shaun: Espresso� I don�t know if you�re watching� but I love you.
Speak Up
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