|
Bagel Thursday
Thursday, May. 29, 2003 - 9:48 AM
Once upon a time, I told you that I'd tell you about Bagel Thursday. Today is Bagel Thursday. Every Thursday Source Office Suites, the company from which my company leases space in the Ronald Reagan Building, provides free bagels for everyone. They're not the best bagels I've ever had, although neither are they the worst. The cream cheese is mediocre at best. But they're bagels! And they're free! The bagel is the great oracle of relationships. You can tell where you have been and where you are going by the bagel. The top half of the bagel is always the best part; like a muffin or a salary. When having to choose between butter and cream cheese on a bagel, and that decision being split, it's clear what must happen. Clearly the favorite topping (and like children, while you may not verbally admit it, there is one) must take the top half of the bagel. Cream cheese on the top half and butter on the bottom. Generally if you split a bagel, whoever made or paid for the bagel gets the top half. As I was saying, the bagel is the great oracle of relationships. All relationships go through phases and while this might not be true during the whole phase of the four major phases, I'd say it's true most of the time. The first step of the relationship, boy must impress girl. This mating ritual is clearly marked by boy without fail giving the top half of the bagel to girl. This is a trick. It works. Step two is when girl is interested in keeping boy from going astray. During this phase girl gives top to boy. This is a trick. It works. Phase three of a relationship is defined by compromise. Though the bagel is by default split to divide top from bottom, boy and girl will cut the bagel in half from top to bottom making a sandwich and sections left and right. This is the way Dunkin Donuts cuts their bagels. My theory is that this is why. This way boy and girl each get their own half of both top and bottom. You know that you're finally in the relationship that's the one, though, during the fourth and final phase. During this phase, both boy and girl selfishly hoard both halves of the bagel. If they /must/ share, they will fight for the top half. If they cannot get the top half, then nobody eats bagel.
Speak Up
< - Latest - Ex-entries - Pete's
Mom Index - CoffeeOrder - Notes - Email - >
|
