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Re: #
Tuesday, Jun. 17, 2003 - 4:05 PM
So this is post 501. This post is dedicated to rehashing the first 500 posts. Over the last two days, I read all 500 of them and here are quotes and links to the ones that are my favorites: Why does SportsCenter need to be on 6 times a day? Why don't sports fans have to buy a VCR like the rest of us? Or TiVo? Or schedule their lives around sports? Or buy a newspaper? from SprortsCenter (repeat) The creator of Super Mario Bros. was a druggy. This is not speculation. from Mario and Luigi and Their Bong And, apparently, cereal, not money, is the root of all evil as several other cereals are just so gosh darn good that they require groups of selfish people keeping it away from others that might crave the same taste. from Silly Rabbit, Trix Are For Kids! I think it's funny that some husbands get kicked out to their couch for the night. If my wife trys to pull that, I'll laugh. Then I'll say, "You're the one that's mad -- YOU sleep on the couch!" Then I'll go make a Skippy peanut butter sandwich to eat in bed. from As I Curled Back Up Into Bed If the world was a lot of really old people, I think the whole world would smell like one of those plastic things you put pills in marked Sunday-Saturday AM and PM. This would be strange because no one can die, so why are we still making those things? from I Am So Deep n the shower this morning I had all kinds of thought flyin' through my head. My thoughts were a Chatty Cathy today. I find that I think best late at night. Like 3 or so in the morning. But since I don't get to see 3 in the morning all that often anymore, my next best thinking time is after a good night's sleep and before I've talked to others. I guess my virgin mind unspoiled by the thoughts of others is my best mind. from Spoiled Mind Symphany No. 1 in D Major This test was to help me figure out my blood type. It included questions such as:
Is your blood Type A?
Is your blood Type B?
Is your blood positive? from What Kind of Flag Am I? Pete: My mom's not Japanese, dude. from Pete's Mom Part IV We'd sit there for hours and sing old Negro Spirituals. I always sang all of them to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy. That was the only song Larry knew how to whistle. from Cherry Soda and a Porch Swing, Summer of '54 Don't breastfeed in public. Ever. from Public Service Announcement The reason for this post is to lament the missing cufflinks. As previously mentioned, they're my favorite cufflinks. Why? Because I bought them to go to my ex-girlfriend's mom's wedding. They set me back $85. But it was worth it. Not because anything was said about them or because she necessarily even noticed... just because I felt better about seeing my ex for the first time since she got married in $85 cufflinks. I'm petty. And I like it that way. from I'm Petty... And I Like It That Way Did someone forget to tell me I was in a porno? from Midget Pants I think to even things out, mail should be called mail, but e-mail should be changed to fe-mail. from Midget Pants When I hear coffee break, I think about taking a 10 to 15 minute break from drinking coffee. from New York Coffee Break The first thing I said to Chad after he got engaged:
"Do you still have that BB gun?" from Sensitive Me But I cannot run to my beach. So I'll stand here on the hard concrete in my shoes and tie. I'll tug at the collar around my neck to try to make a little of the sweat evaporate. And I'll put on my bulletproof vest so I can do what needs to be done. from The Beach Only the good die young, they say. Nice guys finish last. It looks so much more fun to be the jerk.from I'm Petty... And I Hate It That Way Here's an idea... don't let your child sleep next to the raging fire, genius. from Goodnight Moon Hammocks are great because when you buy one it's like saying "I'm so lazy that I actually need to buy accessories to help reach my laziness potential." from The Hammock I do not like it when people say I work too hard. I do not. I work just the right amount. This is a matter of opinion, and since I'm the one working, it's my opinion that counts. from For the Record Why me? I can't stop crying. Why did I have to be the one to find him? from The Sad Day So... they let you out of the helmet for tonight, huh? from A Short Description... Too... With You... As Well... I wanted to thank you for putting the F-U in FUN. from Trust Pete on young girls: Hey, don't sweat it. I always say, "If there's grass on the field, then play ball." from And I Quote... I know I'm still 17 because I still love to watch Cartoons, Dawson's Creek, and reruns of Saved by the Bell. from I'm Seventeen If you were thinking about buying me Triscuits, for a present, you can forget it. I don't like them. from Triscuit Crackers Please refrain from having heart attack-like pains that result in quadruple bypasses this holiday season. from Letter to My Dad (17:28:29) AnonymsSuperhero@work: His autobiography can be called "You Don't Know Dix".
(17:30:38) Pete: Instead of a preface, he'll have an "Explanation of Complex Terms and References" from Us vs. Daryl Bite Me You Freaking Retarded Slug - Shut up. from New Slang Handbook ...and for a moment -- just a moment -- things feel normal. They feel the way they used to feel. Before purity and innocence lost. Before too much useless knowledge and experience gained. Before the fire flickered from warmth. Before passion faded. Before things stopped being alright. Before. from Before Nightstalker: It's things like this that make mom tell me that someday the earth is going to open up beneath me. from Moms Can Be Very Cute I haven't even had time to fling poo in four days. from Diary of a Monkey Chapters will include Getting a Date, Ecstasy: A Drug Called "X", and Rohypnol: The New Chloroform. from My Newest Book Maxis, an Electronic Arts company, has teamed up with Paramount Pictures to bring The Sims to the big screen. The All-B cast will begin production soon on The Sims:The Movie. The movie will include all your favorite Sims phrases including "Nam-i-na!", "Meh shew-no!", and "Risha ravishang." The cast has begun playing the game 16 hours a day to prepare for their roles. from Meh shew-no! Tourists would come by and ask what this large building symbolizes that reminds us of our 42nd President, and while most Americans don't know that the Washington Monument owes its shape to a Masionic instrument, every American would know that the Clinton Monument owes its shape to an administration defined not by its economically devistating policies or its joke of a foreign policy that failed to prevent 9/11 from ever happening due to his chewey, hippie filling, but defined by the phallus of the head of that administration. from Washington Clinton Monument This is amazing. Make sure you don't scroll to the end before doing it because it won't work then. from Math Problem Please remove the rotisserie chicken lamp from your ceilings that reach approximately 9,450 degrees Fahrenheit from your restrooms. from Letter to Hotel Designers However, this morning while waiting on the van to arrive to... vanpool?... I overheard my mom say to my dad "I want you to sit down with me later and..." she trailed off lost in her own thoughts and not giving consideration to my dad who was waisting his time waiting for her to finish. That's not the point of the story, though. The point of the story is the first thing that came to mind when I tried to finish the sentence was "thumb wrestle me." This gave me an idea. from Thumb Wars I'm not the key to your happiness. But I would like to think that I'm a link on the keychain holding that key. Regardless of anything that's ever happened or ever will happen, I still love you and you're still like a sister to me. from Thoughts From Beyond the Electronic Abyss If I ever have a hotel, its logo is going to be a dish of ice cream. And instead of leaving mints on the pillows at night, I'll leave a dish of ice cream on the pillow. from Ice Cream, Youce Cream, Weallce Cream for Ice Cream "I love you, beautiful wolf. I love you and your apple." from And This Is The Way of My World If all of your hopes, fears, dreams, desires, and shortcomings, as well as humor cannot be shared, you no longer have a relationship. from Lessons In True Friendship "Oh, yeah, well eff YOU and your sugar colored water, you gaywad! If it's just colored water, then you're not making it right! Stop being a pussy and put more tea in it!" from Iced Due to Tea I was chased by the wild boar.
Un verraco salvaje me persigui�. from Spanish on the Fly SATs:fun::Abe Vigoda:hottie from SATs:fun::Abe Vigoda:hottie It seems like the more I crave an emotionally intimate bond with those around me, the less I find myself to have. from Seasons Change Evidently this razor is intended for women that cannot control a shaving cream canister. But you have to ask yourself... should someone that doesn't know how to work an aerosol can really be given a razor? from Razor Burn The bagel is the great oracle of relationships. You can tell where you have been and where you are going by the bagel. from Bagel Thursday The part of this cartoon that I find ridiculous is that it features a Mexican running. from Yeepa!
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